We've all heard this before, but I've realized that most of my compulsions to eat, shop, date, and overall busy myself are just things to temporarily fill a void in an overall feeling I'm chasing.
For example, shopping gives me a high and *feels* like a fix to specific problems.
What my shopping coping mechanism tells me:
Poor Self Image → Buy New Outfit → Feeling of Excitement About How I Look
Messy House → Buy Cleaning Supplies → Feeling of Control About My Environment
Poor Health → Buy Fresh Fruits & Veggies → Feeling of Accomplishment Around Health Goals
The problem is excessive spending leads to more anxiety around finances, clutter, and waste if not wrangled appropriately.
Like, you have to actually use the cleaning products and not have them sit in a Target bag on your kitchen table for three months.
You have to actually eat the fresh fruits and veggies you spent money on instead of purchasing them AND Uber Eatsing everything that week.
And, if you're going to take risks with buying new clothes to feel good, you need to purge the ones that make you feel shitty.
(Annnnd, my other downfalls have historically been excessive eating and dating, I'm pretty sure those are centered around some daddy issues that I do not want to dive into right now.)
So… in the middle of a Sam's Club (because I have a credit card) and Amazon order, I'm stopping myself to take a beat…then ask myself, "What do I really need?" and "What do I want to feel right now?"
I just got home from a four-day trip (well, it was supposed to be four days, but I ended up working one of my PTO days…) that didn't quite pan out how I wanted it to.
I had a full-blown meltdown, and the most relaxed I felt the whole time was on the drive home.
So, I come home to my cluttered, but not the worst, but not great home. I open up a laundry list of emails from work. (Speaking of laundry, I have a mountain of that to do, too.)
Right now, I FEEL overwhelmed, discouraged, stuck, unattractive, unorganized, ashamed, guilty, unhealthy, trashy (more on that…), and mostly out of control of the things I wish I had handled.
So, what're the feelings I'm chasing?
I want to feel energized, aligned, purposeful, prepared, organized, comfortable, healthy, proud, at peace, classy, in my "flow," and mostly IN CONTROL.
Many things in my life are entirely out of my control (without drastic measures). My mom is sick, I'm in another state, I'm working a day job I don't love, where I'm not appreciated no matter what I do or don't do, personal finances have been tight, and I have a history of hating myself, so when the going gets rough… I get tough… on myself.
Now, a few of those things I can tweak and/or completely control, but as we know, the real work doesn't deliver rainbows and unicorns overnight.
So, instead of racking up a credit card with random crap, including hideous Crocs I was convincing myself I needed, I'm going to take a breather.
What do I NEED at this moment? Honestly, just laundry soap.
Could I use the other $160 worth of stuff on my list? Sure. Will I get some of it still? Maybe. But, it's helpful to break down what's a need and a want.
Regarding clothing, I have a monstrous pile of laundry that needs to be washed, folded/hung, and put away. What do I NEED? Well, nothing. I have plenty of clothes, but maybe a white T because my go-to isn't looking so bright and fresh anymore. (It's a staple and something I can easily mix and match to get the whole capsule wardrobe going… Idk. Call Tan France about it…)
I also already made my Amazon purchase for baby powder (corn starch, not the cancer talc kind, calm down) because it's hot AF in Georgia and #thiccthighs.
I will eventually make a list of what I will reasonably and ACTUALLY eat in a week and build a grocery list around that.
I'm not going to improve my finances in the next five minutes. Still, I can make a step to stop damaging my money situation by making unnecessary purchases based on feelings.
The more my money improves, the more flexibility I have to help my mom (and hell, not need HER help).
I will keep my job that earns me a steady paycheck as I dive back into my passion for coaching and helping others on nights and weekends.
And, as far as hating myself goes, that will take some more work and time. However, the more I make better decisions for my future self, the sooner I will eventually catch up with a version of myself that I won't find so bad.
What action plan can you put in place this week to address some of your larger feelings?
(RIP BETH)
How does this action plan address your needs now while aligning with your bigger goals?
How can I support you in your journey?
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